A day of Firsts

Thursday, June10, 2010

I woke up around 4 AM from one of those dreams that are so vivid, it lingers in your mind for a long time as if it is a memory of a real experience. 8 hours later it still feels that way. Dreaming, I walked through a doorway and to my right I saw my mom sitting in a comfortable chair and smiling at me. I immediately went to her and wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace - the kind reserved for someone dear to you and much less fragile than she was in the last few years. "Oh mama, I have missed you so much. It's good to see you!" I pulled away to look into her smiling eyes and even in my dream I suddenly remembered that she had died less than 2 months ago. What happened next was pretty interesting. I smiled back at her and said, "I know this is a dream and that you aren't really here, but I'm going to enjoy this time with you and remember how much I love you. Thank you for being here with me." I can feel in my mind how warm her palm felt as she reached up to rest it on my cheek, pure love coursing through me as we smiled at each other. Then I drifted away and one dream faded into another until I woke with the memory of my sweet mother resting in my heart. As tired as I was I struggled to stay awake and hold onto this dream. It felt as though my deepest desire, to give her one last hug and say my goodbyes in person before she left us had been granted. There was no grief, no saddness - only sweet peaceful joy in being together. I feel like just as I have journeyed away from my family for a time to live in Hungary, my mom has journeyed to another place far from me. And just as I will return in a few years to America, there will be a time when I will once again be in my mothers presence and we will have much to talk about. This dream of her, so real and yet with none of the grief that has filled me since her passing, is a first. I hope for many such dreams.



Another first, Eric took TJ and I to the base. Soooo different from the ones in the U.S. Before he drove through the gate, TJ and I had to get out and go to a window at the guard building and show them our passports. This visit was so I can get a photo ID to come on base by myself, but that process takes about a week so this time we had to remain in Eric's presence. While we were getting our guest passes, Eric drove through the gates alone. Apparently only the driver is allowed to remain in the car while the passengers must go through on foot. Hmmmm, not sure how that will work when it's just TJ and I going through. Maybe their goal is to discourage me from going on base without Eric? I had the distinct feeling as the guard took our passports and began entering data into his computer before finally giving us guest passes that it must have felt very much like this not that many years ago at other check points in more somber times. I found myself being reminded that the freedoms we have grown up with should not be taken for granted.



Another first, driving a car in Hungary without Eric. This is the first time I have moved to a new place as an adult and not personally driven there! I am very independant and like being able to go where I want when I want. And I love exploring new places. But I have never before lived in a foreign country where my language is in the definite minority. I've never lived anywhere (since getting my drivers license at age 16) where I have gone 5 days without driving around. But today I was NERVOUS! We started small. After Eric left for work TJ and I talked about where we might want to go first. He suggested we go to "that big store down the street" (the Inter Spar) "so we don't get lost!" LOL Good plan. So we braved the streets of Papa and drove a few city blocks to our first destination. Piece of cake! The next 'first' was to purchase something on our own. Eric has been trying to teach me the forint, which is the Hungarian $. We really don't have room in our tiny kitchen for anything so we walked around becoming familar with what was on the shelves, picked up a few non-refrigerator type items and checked out with my Visa. Someone is seriously going to have to teach me how to buy produce here. I've tried to buy bananas twice but they need a sticker on them with a bar code and I can't see where to get that taken care of. That's my next challenge! After that I was feeling confident and wanted to try a few more things. The rest of the afternoon consisted of finding an ice cream shop (a different one than our fisrt walk into town) and conveying that TJ wanted a vanilla and chocolate twist cone. We even got the correct change figured out! Woo Hoo! Armed with his ice cream cone, we next found the Aldi (a smaller grocery/sundry item type store) and bought a few things with forint. Next we went in search of the house we're going to rent, which I managed to drive directly to, thank you very much! And finally we searched out a more direct way to walk from the new house to downtown, a route with a biking path so we can ride our bikes there. I am sooooo glad I ventured out. Papa already feels more like home and less of a mystery.